Effeminacy is Sexy
Anwesh Sahoo is a 22-year-old aspiring illustrator from Odisha currently living in Delhi. Proud and out, he has been living on an aircraft since he won the Mr Gay World India title in 2016 and represented India at Mr Gay World pageant. I first heard about him when he was announced as the winner and since then he has been inspiring numerous queer individuals in the country. Recently when I participated in Mr Gay World India 2018, we were introduced formally and it was then when we talked and I got to know more about him. This is his story of accepting effeminacy and being proud of it.
When did you come out to your family and friends?
I came out to my sister, when I was 16, then to my closest friends by the time I was 17. I wrote my coming-out story on Pink Pages called Under the Lucky Star, and that’s how my parents got to know about my sexuality. The rest was done by the Odiya News and media networks back in 2016 when I won the Mr Gay World India title and I genuinely couldn’t be more grateful!
I wrote my coming-out story on Pink Pages called Under the Lucky Star, and that’s how my parents got to know about my sexuality.
Are you accepted by your friends and family?
That is a good question! There is really no black and white to it. Let’s just say it has been a process and they’re still at it (especially my parents).
Were you an effeminate teen and were you bullied for being effeminate?
Yes and yes! It’s a funny world, we live in. We celebrate the ordinary and relinquish even the smallest of differences.
How did you deal with the bullying?
At first, it was a lot of crying and complaining to my class teacher about my mates. How does one even defend a cause that one doesn’t believe in, or to begin with, even comprehend? I grew up being very conscious about myself, when it became worse, I knew the solution had to come from within! All I had to do was teach myself to accept. The day I stopped being a homophobe, I stopped being a victim of homophobia. So, they say, “I’m gay?”, all I did was look into their eyes, and give them back, “So what? Big deal?”
All I had to do was teach myself to accept. The day I stopped being a homophobe, I stopped being a victim of homophobia.
Did your family or friends help you deal with the bullying?
My sister accepted me at once, so did my father, except that my parents had a condition that I wouldn’t reveal the same to my acquaintances and the society at large. I knew, however, that there was no going back! I would sit in my classroom and start crying for no reason. There were too many pent-up emotions that needed an outlet. My teacher noticed and took me to the school psychologist. She asked me very personal questions, that I wasn’t comfortable answering, but the answer to the questions in my head cleared the air.
My sister accepted me at once, so did my father, except that my parents had a condition that I wouldn’t reveal the same to my acquaintances and the society at large.
How would you have defined effeminacy while you were a teen and how would you define effeminacy now?
Growing up, effeminacy was a trait I’d grown to absolutely loathe! It was a ‘disorder’, a ‘difference’ I didn’t see in myself. Over the years, I learned how it was other people’s disorder, how we have failed as a society in our quest to understand the world around us. Effeminacy and femininity aren’t euphemisms for indignity. Being ‘femme’ is being sexy, and powerful.
Effeminacy and femininity aren’t euphemisms for indignity. Being ‘femme’ is being sexy, and powerful.
Did being an effeminate individual affect you while you were representing India at Mr. gay wold 2016?
When you grow up in a hetero-normative world, effeminacy simply isn’t an option. It has taken me 6 years to truly celebrate my true self. I wish and hope that it wouldn’t be the same for another Anwesh 20 years from now. When you spend 20-21 years of your life simply coming to terms with yourself, it drains you of the energy you could invest in more important things in your life. Did it affect me through my journey at Mr Gay World? Of course! When you finally expect to be in an environment that you believe you belong, and you end up not fitting in there either, it’s a real battle you’re up against. But, then, I’ve lived all my life fitting out, so I did manage to find my little haven. Now, when I look back, I have to say, I was really good at faking confidence!
It has taken me 6 years to truly celebrate my true self. I wish and hope that it wouldn’t be the same for another Anwesh 20 years from now.
You recently talked about being effeminate at a TED talk. How was that experience?
INCREDIBLE, to say the least! Every TEDx talk I’ve been to, I put on my fanciest pair of heels and have never been questioned for strutting around in them. One of the audience members came up to me, and he said, he was there only to see me! It’s an awakening in itself when you realise you’ve managed to touch so many lives with just being yourself. It motivates you enough to wake up every morning and lead a more disciplined life. TEDx is also not about me, it’s about the ideas that people have to share, and that idea can come from anyone in that room, not just the speakers. It was also very over-whelming since when I sit down to pen my talk, I live through those years of struggle all over again. It generally ends up being emotionally draining! I wish I could go back to my 13-year-old self and tell him, it wouldn’t even matter. That, in a few more years, it would only get better.
It’s an awakening in itself when you realise you’ve managed to touch so many lives with just being yourself.
One message that you would like to give to individuals who are effeminate.
Do not give a f*ck! Embrace your effeminacy with flair. It’s the most enriching thing you’d ever learn to live your life with.
To know more about Anwesh you can follow him on @anwesh.sahoo