Androgyny and me
Some individuals are just born with the perfect blend of looks and talent. Poojan Solanki is one of those people. He identifies himself as gay but there is so much to his personality other than his sexual preference. A singer, a tarot card reader, a pranic healer, a genetic engineer and an extremely grounded and compassionate person, he is amazing in breaking stereotypes and embodying androgyny in the best possible way. If you ever end up having a conversation with him, you will realize what “good vibes” actually mean.
We met at a coffee shop and he looked drop-dead gorgeous. Curly hair and sharp facial features. I mean the guy looked like someone spent a lot of time sculpting him to perfection.
We both realized that we are horrible at small talk. So, while we sipped our coffee to end the awkwardness, I asked him, ‘How would you define gender?’ He thought about it for some time and replied, ‘gender to me is a vivid portrait of varied colours, blends and their vibrant crazy shades.’ It was remarkable how Poojan did not see gender as a binary. He added, ‘It’s up to me which shade I can relate to.’
Gender to me is a vivid portrait of varied colours, blends and their vibrant crazy shades
Poojan comes across as an androgynous individual and I wanted to know more about it so I asked, ‘What does androgyny mean to you?’ He got pretty excited and while he was articulating the perfect response it seemed like he was expecting this question all along. ‘Androgyny like the term suggests is a blend of masculine and feminine characteristics. The difficulty this possesses is that people usually like to find someone who they could get used to. Where I identify myself as forever (always) changing,’ he said.
My immediate question to his response was, ‘do your friends and family approve of you being Androgynous?’ We still live in a society where “Log Kya Kahenge (What will people say)” is heard numerous times especially if you are queer. ‘All my friends are aware that I am gay. I don’t need to put in efforts to “come out” to them. I usually just discuss it as a plain and simple fact. Being gay is simply a part of me. It’s not a news that I need to broadcast to anyone! No offence to the people who enjoy otherwise. it’s just not who I am,’ he said.
Being gay is simply a part of me. It’s not a news that I need to broadcast to anyone!
‘What about your family?’ I asked, to which he responded in a very matter of fact tone, ‘To my family, my sexuality is still a white elephant in the room. On a family outing about 5 years back I came out to one of my aunt’s, who happens to be a professional psychologist. At that time both of us were super close. She, trying to protect me, told my entire family about me being gay and asked them not to react. This made my parents see me in most weird and fragile way possible and at times they still continue to do so.’
I remember my ex, asking me to dress a specific way to go out to meet a certain group of friends. I did respect what he tried to say but obviously added my twist to it.
While I asked him about his relationship status, he smiled, blushed a little too I guess and said he is single currently. So I asked, ‘how has being androgynous affected your dating life in the past.’ He replied ‘Being androgynous can scare the people you are dating. Especially if they are not out to people. It becomes really difficult, I remember my ex, asking me to dress a specific way to go out to meet a certain group of friends. I did respect what he tried to say but obviously added my twist to it. I couldn’t pretend to be someone I was not’
To get a larger perspective about androgyny and the queer community, I asked, ’do you think the queer community treats androgynous individuals differently, if yes, what can be the reason behind it? My question made him think about how his response can be politically correct, but then he said, ‘I am here to speak my mind and I will. If it hurts someone’s sentiments then it for them to deal with it, not me.’ He took a deep breath and continued, ‘I’ve seen people from the LGBT community unable to understand androgyny. For some odd reason, they are looked down upon and considered inferior because they are not manly enough! It is frustrating to see the lack of acceptance within the LGBT community and the reason sole reason for this is ignorance and stereotyping labels. The only way to overcome this according to me is to reiterate multiple times that everyone is equal. Everyone needs to be treated equally and inclusively. If there is a lack of acceptance within the LGBT community, how can we expect to get acceptance from others’.
I’ve seen people from the LGBT community unable to understand androgyny. For some odd reason, they are looked down upon and considered inferior
The conversation was getting intense every passing minute. To keep the momentum going I asked him my next question about IPC Sec 377. ‘How has sec 377 affected you?’ Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code dates back to 1861 which was introduced during the British rule of India. This law criminalizes sexual activities “against the order of nature.” Poojan in a voice full of determination responded by saying, ‘IPC Sec 377 well has affected my life by criminalising my right to love the person I would want to spend the rest of my life with.’ I added to my previous question, ‘what if IPC Sec 377 was not there tomorrow, how different would be your life?’ He responded with a victorious smile, ‘It will not only change my but everyone’s life with a wave of love and acceptance all around the country. Removal of IPC Sec 377 will be a step toward in making the queer community feel safer in their own country.’
Removal of IPC Sec 377 will be a step toward in making the queer community feel safer in their own country
I soon realised that our coffee mugs were empty because the waiter came to our table to ask us if we wanted to order something else. It was then, when I realized that a person sitting on the table beside us was looking at Poojan in a disapproving way. So I asked Poojan, ‘how do you deal with homophobes and individuals who do not understand androgyny?’ He looked at the person beside us and said with a calm and sturdy voice, ‘I generally tell them, it’s okay to be afraid when you don’t understand something. A mathematician is never be scared of numbers. Likewise, if you are seeking answers, you will defiantly be more accepting, inclusive and might change your mind. If you still don’t, I will repeat what Lady GaGa said, I was born this way baby!
To know more about Poojan, you can follow him on @poojansolanki